Wednesday, July 3, 2013

First Messages: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The first messages I've gotten have run the gamut from funny to downright insulting. Here are some of the standouts.

The "Neg"

I will never understand this tactic. This morning I received the most insulting one yet. "this profile reads like a resume. You're a little full of yourself?" I stupidly engaged, as part of this whole social experiment, and told him that just I know what I want and his message made him sound like a jerk. I couldn't bring myself to pretend he was just being funny or act like a ditz to see what he thought I should change. Well, if the original message wasn't intended to be purely insulting, calling him a jerk made his follow up message incredibly insulting.
I'm just a better writer than you. You can convey your adventurous side without a list of accomplishments. I could go on and on....go hire a professional writer or editor. Or continue to fail miserably when it comes to this specific venture. Up to you.
Wow, just wow. Awfully cocky to say he's a better writer than I am considering in his first message he didn't capitalize the first sentence and he put a question mark on a statement. You're a better writer than I am when you don't even know basic sentence structure? My follow up:

I don't find your profile, or you, the slightest bit interesting. I've been contacted by plenty of men who are not intimidated by what I've accomplished, which clearly you are. As evidenced by the dates your photos were uploaded, you seem to have been on this site since at least October. Who's the one failing miserably? 
Keep insulting women. That's a fabulous way to find a date. Maybe this explains why you're 36, still single, and trolling dating sites at 1:30 in the morning.
Ok, so that was probably an overreaction, but this guy is so obnoxious. His response included "Lol" and "ps" (correctly written that should be either PS or P.S.) and suggested a writing class I should take. What an arrogant jerk. I told him to go bother someone else and blocked him. Confirmed - guys who send negs are exactly as horrible as their messages imply. </rant>

The Confusing Message

There have been quite a few variations on this one. Today's confusing message was, "Who is your dentist?" Is he implying that I have good teeth or bad teeth? If he actually wants a dentist, I think the correct site is Yelp not a dating site. I don't respond to these messages. I'm just too bewildered.

The "Out of My Age Range" Message

This one made me chuckle, especially since he was within the age range I listed.
don't do that your younger than me bs because ill change your outlook on that given half a chance. I love to lie until after then see your faces of he got me! But thats not it all you just need to not be prejudice woman. And let ne represent me. :)
 The immaturity of the message speaks for itself.

Other Categories

TMI: Don't mention diseases you have or your mom's cancer treatment in a first message. It's just too much.

Wrong Location: Thanks for the compliments from Indonesia and India, but please don't clog my inbox.

Short But Sweet: A catchy one liner could get you a response if I think you're attractive and you have an interesting profile.

Overeager: Wait until at least the second message to ask me out if the only thing you're going to say is "you are really cute!" However, this can work if you've got a unique idea of something to do.

The Compliment

By far the most successful tactic for getting my attention. Two days ago I got a good one - "Endurance races and tris? That's awesome! You've piqued my interest." He goes on to talk about races he's done and mentions the game two truths and a lie, which I reference in my profile. We played the game through the messaging app for over an hour, then again the following night. His adventures rival mine. First day of messaging and 5 messages in, he asked me on a date and had 4 ideas on interesting things we could do. All of them were great options.

In addition to being adventurous, he's attractive (at least in his photos), has a graduate degree, is the same age as I am, and offered to pick me up for the date (this still happens?!). Fingers crossed that it goes well in person. He seems way too good to be true.


  1. Good luck! It should still happen! And don't psych yourself out with "too good to be true" that could be the one ;)

  2. The guy in "The Neg" made me angry just by reading it. I can't believe you were able to respond so calmly. I notice that people who has low self esteem and confidence likes to put others down so they can feel superior and better about themselves. Someone needs to create "Why wouldn't you date me?" or "What's wrong with me?" game/survey so guys like "The Neg" could anonymously send a survey out to his friends. Some people need to open their eyes wide to actually realize that they're not perfect. And you would think being there since Oct would give him enough practice in writing. Good luck with "The Compliment", hope he's good one.