Monday, July 22, 2013

Don't Care How, I Want It Now

In addition to the rudeness and banality of many messages (with some good ones mixed in too!), some messages are just so incredibly childish. It's baffling. Grow up! I am not a toy that your mom took away! (Or a dog.)

Presents and prizes and sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizes
And now
Don't care how
I want it now

Case Study #1

I was messaging with one guy who seemed nice enough, though maybe a little overeager. His date suggestions involved multiple activities that would have spanned nearly an entire day. A little much for a first date, but he was enthusiastic about meeting up. Unfortunately I wasn't available for the first day that he suggested. A few days went by then he suggested getting together next weekend. I said that I was available Saturday afternoon. His response - "Tennis or racquetball?" Uh oh. As mentioned in an earlier post, I do not play tennis. Too many years of staring at a black line at the bottom of a pool have rendered me utterly useless at any sport requiring hand-eye coordination. Not only am I terrible at these activities, but I do not enjoy them AT ALL. Tennis is my idea of the worst first date ever.

I would not expect him to know this, of course. So I suggested that we do something different. At this point he switches to Saturday night drinks at 9 PM. Whoa there. No weekend night dates for the first time I'm meeting someone. (Compliment Guy proved my theory that it's a bad idea for me to do that.) I said I was unavailable and again suggested the afternoon which he had already agreed to. Then he suggested Friday night because he wasn't available Saturday afternoon. Huh? What about the tennis/racquetball idea? I'm confused. I said I couldn't do Friday night to which he replied...
Woof? WTF? Maybe I'm being harsh on the guy, but in my world "woof" is not an acceptable message to send to a girl who you're trying to ask out. I am not a dog. Don't bark at me when you don't get your way. I think I'll pass on Saturday afternoon too.


Case Study #2

Getting messages that seem like they're a cut and paste template is very common. A few days ago I got one such message - 
I know I have seen you out and about town but I can't put my finger where!! Your features just struck some sort of mental chord on me :) Don't mean to come off blunt.. but I find you strikingly beautiful and really appreciate how you own up to your femininity
Not a terrible message, but pretty cliché. Then, I got the message a second time... So I called him out. He said -
whoopsy.. looks like i made a poopsy...
Wow, ok. He claimed he thought he saved a draft, but it had sent anyway. Yeah right, but whatever. Let's see what else this brilliant specimen has to say. There was some acceptable conversation back and forth. Then he starts asking me what non-physical and physical traits I like in a guy. (I hate that. Please don't do that.) After this he asks for my phone number. I ignore him. He asks a second time. And a third time. I very politely (I promise, I was polite) told him that I don't give out my number before first dates so we should use the messaging app for now and go from there. His retort -
i can understand your hesitation. Truth is im barely on this thing and i just dont see us keeping in touch here. Bad timing i guess? Best wishes
Well, if that's all it takes for you to lose interest, it's for the best. Or so I thought. I discovered that this guy was actually continuing to look at my profile multiple times per day. Every time I would log on, I checked my visitor log and there he was again. (Buy A-list, buddy. You don't seem psycho when you pay to search invisibly.) I called him out to which he said - 
WFH so I have a bit of spare time... Btw, do you blame me? You look ravishing on your pictures...
I look ravishing on my pictures. Hmm. Then he proceeds to ask for my number AGAIN.
If you do not feel at ease with allowing me to reach you when i'm out and about, it makes me feel completely out of my element. It's like having a bad sushi experience.... yes we've all had it... but will you completely give it up because of one outlier? ;)
Yes! Resoundingly yes! You are not the outlier. YOU are the reason this rule exists. You're already stalking me. Why would I give you my number?! And why on earth do you need to be texting me when you're out and about WHEN WE HAVEN'T MET YET! I replied with -
Yep. Rules are rules.
No, you can't have your toy right now. Go in the corner and think about what you did. And we're done.

I've been getting some notes that I don't write about any good dates. Not only are those less interesting than dealing with these weirdos, but I figure if I actually like a guy and want to start dating him seriously at some point, I probably have a better chance of that working out if I don't put ALL of the details on here. That said, I did have a good first date last night. He's practically my neighbor though so hopefully that works out decently well or I might be moving.