Friday, August 16, 2013

How Fast Is Too Fast

Disclaimer: This contains adult discussion topics. Dad, don't read this one.

How fast is too fast?

It's the age old question. You've gone out with a guy a few times. You're hitting it off. You find him attractive. Very attractive. It's been a loooong time so you might occasionally find the homeless guy on the corner attractive for a split second. When can you actually do the deed and jump in the sack with the guy? You don't want to seem easy, but guys aren't the only ones with needs. At our age, we are at our sexual peak after all.

Don't judge me

I have three close female friends who are also doing online dating. We've all been online for roughly the same amount of time, gone out on quite a lot of first dates, and are now getting on to second/third/fourth dates with one, maybe two, guys. So the topic of conversation has turned to how soon is too soon. When you're not online dating, it doesn't really play out like this. Guys in San Francisco don't usually take girls out on dates. It's uncharted territory.

All of the pressure seems to be on the female for this one. Popular media seems to put all of the responsibility for choosing the right time on the female. Obviously the guy will be ready to go whenever you are, as if he is not at all in control of taking an active part in making this decision. If it's not the right time, it's all your fault. And everything is contradictory. Be a lady, but don't hide your sexuality. Play hard to get, but not too hard or you're a tease. Wait too long and you're playing games, but too soon and you're not wife material. Faster, slower, longer, harder. AARRRGGGGHHH!

Sex is rarely what men want

Today one of the aforementioned friends circulated an article on this very subject that said the following-
Men want to have sex, but what they actually NEED is to feel attraction. That is what they are looking for, underneath the many cries for sex, sex, sex. So, sex is rarely what they really want. As a woman, its your job to remember that.
BULLSHIT! If sex is what we want, sex is what they want. You have got to be kidding me with this nonsense. Yes, men want to feel attraction. They likely won't want to sleep with you once, let alone twice, if there's no attraction. But don't feed me this nonsense that guys don't want sex. Please. One of my friend's responses to the article was, "Obviously we all want sex, especially if the well be dry." Amen.

Ice Cream???

It's becoming increasingly common to receive one word text/pings/emails from these online dating friends that just say something like "UGH" or "goddammit". The female need to be talkative is not necessary here. The message is simple. Sex. Something made her think about it, and she would like some. Now please. We've all been going out with lots of attractive, successful, single men. Previously in our dating lives, we haven't spent this much one on one time with different men over such a long period of time without getting a little something. It's nearly intolerable. I don't think men and women are really all that different in how they think about sex before the first time. It's after the first time that things get all complicated, but I'll save that for another post.

Some of the communication among the ladies about this has occurred during work hours so we've come up with some code words. It feels just a little more appropriate for the workplace. Two of my favorites are rest stop (fooling around with a guy who you're not super into seeing seriously but does the trick if needed) and ice cream (sex). Here they are used in context:
- How was your date?
- It was ok. Not sure if there's much of a connection.
- Was he cute at least?
- He's definitely rest stop potential.
- How was your date last night?
- Good :)
- Ice cream???
- Ice cream ;)
Society may try to make us feel all sorts of pressure about this, but we're going to laugh about it. It is just sex after all. And sex is good.

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