Tuesday, August 13, 2013

First Date Kiss of Death

Despite explaining my rationale, I continue to get comments about how wrong I am to not contact the guy first after a date. I understand that this has worked for other couples, but I'm sticking to my guns on this one. Why?

1) It's working as intented so far
2) All of the guys I've liked have messaged me after the date
3) I want to be pursued (this is not the same as playing games)
4) This whole social experiment of online dating is to do things differently than I have before

This sums it up about right

I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!

You sent a message, got a response, exchanged witty banter, scheduled a date, and the day has come to actually meet. You show up on time and feel pretty confident that you made a good first impression. Now to make sure you don't put your foot in your mouth and come off totally crazypants. There are a few topics of conversation that are very likely to be the kiss of death on a first date.

Politics and religion: First dates should be light and fun. These topics are not. Unless you are a politician or a pastor, save this for later. This is especially true if you believe in things that are a little less common, like astrology, witchcraft or alien abduction. Keep the crazy hidden during the first date.

Family issues: Your brother is a lazy good-for-nothing who only plays video games, your cousin is having fertility issues, you don't get along with your dad. These are all important topics that should be discussed at some point, but the first date is not that time. Not only are they just way too much, but they're so negative. I am not the most peppy positive person, so if I'm picking up on your negativity, that's a very bad sign. Pop a Prozac if needed, but keep it cheerful.

Feminism: This never goes well. Either she has an opinion, and a strong one, or she has none at all. Guys, don't bring up any feminist issue. You'll likely either get in a fight or she'll stare at you blankly. Neither of those are good. Ladies, resist the urge to go off on whatever feminist topic is your passion. He does NOT want to know how you vote on abortion on date #1.

Ryan Gosling talking about feminism is the one exception

Your ex: I don't care how well or badly the end of your last relationship went. There are no circumstances I can think of where I would like to hear that story on a first date. I don't want to think about your ex before I know you. I put online dating in this category as well. I understand that it's a point of commonality, but I really don't know what he's looking for when he asks about this on a first date. Do you want me to tell you I just started and I haven't seen anyone else? I'm not lying to you. I'm pretty sure you don't really want to hear about the terrible messages and you definitely don't want to hear about good dates. Talking about bad dates makes you look like an ass. If a girl threw a pepper shaker at your head, I'm going to guess you might have provoked her, even if she is a nutjob. Maybe I'll just say I have a blog the next time I'm asked about this. That should get a good reaction.

Sex: Clearly the guy shouldn't bring this up. If he does, run away. When I was chatting about this blog post with a friend, he said to put sex on the off-limits list. I asked if it's a bad idea for a girl to bring it up as well. I liked his response - "Neither should. Because as soon as a guy thinks about sex he can't think about anything else." Very true.

Greedy corporate bastards

When I'm on a date where I'm not interested in the guy, I tend to get chatty. It's a little counter-intuitive, but I've come to the conclusion that I just keep talking to amuse myself. I've also realized that my go-to topic when I'm bored on a first date (and this only applies to first dates for some reason) is rent control. My apartment complex is not rent control, and the leasing agency is raising our rent by an absurd amount. I hate them. And I will tell you about it if you let me. You probably shouldn't. [side note: I need a new roommate so if you know anyone who's looking, send them my way]


Climber Guy now knows about the blog. (If you're reading this, hello!) He came to see me at work on Friday and as we were leaving a coworker said, "Your blog is hilarious!" I dodged the topic a few times, then told him what it was later that day. He seems ok with it and so far has not hinted that he would rather I stop writing. He also seems to like the nickname. Well done, Italian Bear!


  1. BEST BLOG EVER. HAHAHA. Not just because of the end, but because there were so many laugh out loud moments. =)

  2. Ok, I did sleep with alien abduction girl. But, in my defense, she was super hot!